If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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