I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Green mimosas i think yes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
