i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
