we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
