please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Text me some of your sweat
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