Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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