I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
