You really coming over, don't trick.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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