Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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