We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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