it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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