My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
