i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
