I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
