im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
