you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
