so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
