it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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