I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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