I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
