What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
