I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
