I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
