I faked an abortion last night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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