4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
