I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
