I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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