I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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