Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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