i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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