sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
