I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
