You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
