So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
