He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
