haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
