my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
