Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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