there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
