haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
