I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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