Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
