So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
