I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
