Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
