Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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