I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
