we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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