My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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