my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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