hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
