Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
