We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
