I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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