I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
