I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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