You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
