I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
