good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
