Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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