I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
