my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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