atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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