youre lurking in front of me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
