just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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